Jeff Rients posted on his blog about an art contest over at Something Awful that they are doing as part of their awesome “What the Fuck D&D?!” series.

Basically the contest is to roll a random oni up using the tables from the back of RIFTS Worldbook 7: Japan and then illustrate the beastie in question for cash and prizes. Well, for prizes at least. Prizes and ridicule.

I love all things involving random tables. Random streetwalkers from the AD&D DMG? Yes please! Random Pole Arm Generators? Gimme that Glaive-Glaive-Glaive-Guisarme loving.

And this is even easier – they reposted the tables in question in the thread on Something Awful so I don’t even have to get my Rifts books out of storage!

Out come the percentage dice (the white and yellow speckled ones I only use for Rifts) and the tables are consulted…

Body: [63] – Lumpy blob like a snail
Head: [49] – Large and round like a melon
Eyes: [84] – Roll again but there are 4 of them
Eyes: [94] – A single large, round eye, violet
Mouth: [77] – Large mouth with flabby lips filled with large flat crooked teeth
Nose: [99] – None
Arms: [55] – Thin and gnarled, skeletal hands with long clawed fingers
Legs: [94] – None
Other Features: [27] – Large horns
Skin: [21] – Dark Red

So, out comes the gel pen and paper and we get…

The Dai-Shiru are bizarre demons who have dragged their way out of hell through rifts in riverbanks and other muddy places around Japan. Their long, thin arms end in three horrible yellow claws which they use to help pull their slimy mass around. Their bodies have visible ribs, but remain strangely amorphous, and end in a lump of flesh that appears to be the remnants of many amputated legs, none of which remain to help move the Dai-Shiru around.

Unfortunately I don’t have a Something Awful account (and I’m not shelling out $10 to enter one contest), so it will sit here on my blog.