So deadEarth is kicking my character-generating ass. Two days, two attempts, two dead characters. And I usually love post-apocalyptic games with rampant mutations!
According to the rules of the game, you only get three chances when rolling up a character and if your first two die or suck, you are stuck with whatever you get for your third character. Of course, the rules don’t bother to tell you what to do if the third character ALSO dies. They seem to expect you to play him anyways, or something.
DM: “A group of traders approaches carefully. The point guards are both carrying pretty beat up M16s and are pointing them at you, making sure you aren’t a threat. The traders themselves seem to be carrying a lot of junk, maybe even some you can trade that universal european currency that the world is still using after WWIII for no good reason. Thank goodness for a universal cash currency, right guys?”
Headless Fred: “I lie on the ground.”
Johnny Mutant: “I check them out, but with my hands spread, I’ll make a Guile roll to convince them that I’m not a threat.”
Sneaky Jill: “I head around to the far side of the hill and see if they have backup.”
DM: “Jill, make a Senses roll”
Sneaky Jill: “24”
DM: “Ok, yes, they seem to have backup, but it’s just one guy and you’ve totally got the jump on him. Oh, by the way, Fred, there’s a huge mutant spidergoat crawling on your leg.”
Headless Fred: “I ignore the spidergoat and lie on the ground.”
DM: “The spidergoat crawls into your pants, Fred.”
Headless Fred: “I ignore it and lie on the ground. I make no noise.”
DM: “Ok Fred, the spidergoat heads up to the.. uhmm… stump of your neck where your head used to start.”
Headless Fred: “I lie on the ground. God I love this awesomely realistic game!”
So let’s try making character number 3. I already have a name for him. “Last Chance” Jones.
Again, I start by rolling for Moves (6), Relience (9), noting his Strength of 0, and rolling for his age on d100.
The first roll on the age table is 07 – Roll again, +50 Skill Points. Then I get 62 – Roll Twice and Choose. My two rolls are 56 (in the oldest age category in the game with -9 moves, -5 strength and -7 resilience) and 87 (Roll again and choose your height and weight). I go with the 87. So I roll again, getting a 39 – making Last Chance Jones 39 years old with a -1 to moves, 2d6 radiations (10… perfect), and 550 skill points (+50 for that earlier roll for 600).
Height is normally 48+6d6 inches, but I get to choose the 6d6 instead of rolling them. Let’s make Last Chance creepily tall. A full 7 feet tall (84 inches tall). I’ll also choose his weight multiplier, looking at the stats table, and go with x4. So he’s 336 pounds. This gives him +1 Moves, +1 Resilience and +2 Strength. And that d6 I get to toss in? Instead of going for moves as usual, let’s give him even MORE height, making him 7’5″ tall. This changes his place on the height / weight table so he gets +2 moves and +2 Strength and no modifier to Resilience.
Now for Natural Abilities and Inabilities… 100 2d6 rolls later and I end up with only 2. A natural ability in Physics and a natural inability in WP Melee Paired.
With “Last Chance” being so imposing, I figure he should make sure to have some good Intimidate skill, which in turn requires Resolve at 4d6, which in turn needs Reason and Running each at 4d6. And Reason needs Intuition. And Intuition needs Senses. Why on earth couldn’t they just make a sheet with that information? Instead you have to look up the skill you want and see what it’s prereq is. Then you have to look up it’s prereq. Then you have to look up what skill IT needs, and so on. So badly designed.
Anyways, that’s a chunk of skill points spent already. At least the 4d6 in running also gives him +1 Moves. And throwing in 4d6 of Charisma also means he’s eligible for the Command skill, so he’s not only scary, but a trained leader! The rest he puts into 4d6 levels of Handgun, Melee and Rifle Weapon Skills.
And now it’s on to the killer radiations. 10 radiations to roll on that deadly d1000 chart.
200 – Revoke – Remove one random radiation from your list of radiations. (Brilliant, as my first one, this does nothing. Which is better than popping my head off, I guess).
785 – Shuffle – I may rearrange the radiations on my list. (This can make a difference later or if you have that radiation that makes all radiations above it immutable and so on – but for Last Chance Jones, it means bupkis.)
321 – Brutality – Whenever Jones enters combat, the only acceptable outcome is the death of his enemy. Must keep trying to kill an opponent, no matter the consequences. No retreat, no surrender. (and this guy is a leader? Warning signs!)
084 – Anorexia – Half rations required, reduce weight 1d6 pounds per week (and check the height / weight chart for changes to stats).
160 – Lead Magnet – -1d6 Dodge when being shot at.
905 – Impotent – Cannot be sexually excited
400 – Balance – Compare all skills with those of the next player character you come in contact with. Each of you average your skills with the other (round down) for each skill. (This is going to be REALLY annoying for both Last Chance and whatever other PC he makes first contact with. I always wanted to re-write all my skills).
917 – Estrogen Treatment – Seriously. This is in the game. Fucking Horrendous. Alright, where was I. Roll 1d6 for Last Chance Jones’ “natural femininity”. I roll a 3. Then go through the a list and see what radiations are gained. I get 662 – PMS, 424 – Fit, 005 – Homebody, 135 – Green Thumb, 164 – Neat Freak, 247 – Motherly Instincts, 224 – Total Recall, 171 – Grep, 156 – Winded, 524 – Weak Stomach, 335 – Befuddle, and 191 – Pockets. In addition I get 152 – Gender Switch. Since I’m not over 40 at least I don’t get 618 – Osteoporosis. Now I roll another d6 and that tells me I get 916 – Bloated (the other option was Annorexia, again). Then I roll a d6 to determine my fertility. A 4 means I get no special radiation for that. Finally, I now take no stun damage from bitch slaps (a brawling move), my own bitch slaps do 2d6 stun damage, and can be used as a defensive move without being declared in advance. Sexist? Never. So, after I add all these new radiations, I still have two more to roll for.
662 – PMS – Must assume a new attitude every morning. (No sexism here)
424 – Fit – Throw a tantrum every time something does not go exactly as planned.
005 – Homebody – Gain 1 extra skill point every time Domestics is rolled.
135 – Green Thumb – Biology, Horticulture, Domestics and Memory become Natural Abilities. Character will insist on doing the cooking and other chores for other players whenever possible.
164 – Neat Freak – Everything around must have complete order – compelled to maintain an immaculate environment and appearance. -1d6 Moves, Memory & Reason when in disorder.
247 – Motherly Instincts – Must protect the other members of the party to the point of babying them.
224 – Total Recall – You have a perfect memory, never make a memory roll again.
171 – Grep – +2d6 Search
156 – Winded – Cannot perform physical tasks for an extended period of time
524 – Weak Stomach – Resolve roll when seeing blood. Difficulty 9 to remain conscious, Difficulty 24 to not puke.
335 – Befuddle – Minor psionic ability. 4 skill points, range of 10 feet, opposed resolve rolls. If target fails the opposed resolve roll, he loses 2d6 moves for that round.
191 – Pockets – You have natural pockets built into your skin. Add 5 pounds to your carrying capacity.
152 – Gender Switch – Opposite Gender (Female)
916 – Bloated – Body fills with water, gas, fat or something else causing it to bloat. Add 1d6 lbs to weight each week.
752 – Radiation Enfeeblement – For every radiation on your list, apply a -1 to your Strength. (Seriously? Awesome, that’s a -23 penalty to Strength, mostly because of the Estrogen Treatment. I can now carry -165 pounds. So if I’m carrying 0 pounds I get -16 to Moves and Strength. So when I’m naked and unarmed I have a base moves of -9 – I can’t actually EVER act in a combat round. Ever. Last Chance Jones is now officially crippled and incapacitated and cannot move under his own power. Oh well, still one Radiation to go!)
219 – Bane – On any skill roll, any matching dice are subtracted from the total instead of added.
Well, I think I’ll stop there. Not much point in determining how much money she has to spend, since she can’t do anything.
I try really hard to never say that a game sucks.
This one sucks big hairy sexist monkey balls.
“Last Chance” Jones
Weight: 336 lbs
Carrying Capacity: -165 lbs
Beast Lore 2d6
Beast Ride 2d6
+ Biology 2d6
Computer Operations 2d6
+ Domestics 2d6
Drive Automobile 2d6
Drive Boat 2d6
Drive Cart 2d6
Drive Heavy Machine 2d6
Drive Non-Motorized 2d6
Drive Railed 2d6
Drive Recreational 2d6
Drive Sailcar 2d6
Drive Tracked 2d6
First Aid 2d6
Herb Lore 2d6
+ Horticulture 0d6
Jimmy Lock 2d6
Jury Rig 2d6
+ Memory 2d6
+ Physics 0d6
Trapping / Fishing 2d6
Weight Training 4d6
WS Ballista 2d6
WS Blade 2d6
WS Handgun 4d6
WS Melee 4d6
– WS Melee Paired 0d6
WS Missile 2d6
WS Paired 2d6
WS Rifle 4d6
WS Shield 2d6
WS Thrown 2d6
Skill Points: 0
200 – Revoke
785 – Shuffle
321 – Brutality
084 – Anorexia
160 – Lead Magnet
905 – Impotent
400 – Balance
917 – Estrogen Treatment
662 – PMS
424 – Fit
005 – Homebody
135 – Green Thumb
164 – Neat Freak
247 – Motherly Instincts
224 – Total Recall
171 – Grep
156 – Winded
524 – Weak Stomach
335 – Befuddle
191 – Pockets
152 – Gender Switch
916 – Bloated
752 – Radiation Enfeeblement
219 – Bane